On a cobbled courtyard square overlooking the mélange of historical and futuristic architecture that gives London its iconic landscape, sits an unassuming building in the heart of the trendy City district. You might miss it if you weren’t looking for it. Yet beyond the powder blue door, inside the Zetter Townhouse awaits a respite of grandeur and quintessential Englishness.

The Zetter Townhouse is a hotel with a difference. It invites the guest into the world of the ‘owners’ who are bizarre characters brimming with old-school charm, we’ll get to them in a minute. Their eclectic tastes are all around the hotel, the décor is magnificent, warm and so bizarre that it assaults your senses yet is aesthetically pleasing all at once. With only 13 rooms, this boutique hotel has delights at every turn. There is no lobby, instead one walks straight into the lounge area, and it is evident that this is a retreat that feels like a family home. With a mix of antiques and quirky taxidermy, it is as if one has walked into Dicken’s Old Curiosity Shop. It is comparable to sitting in the living room of an eccentric and rich old aunt – and that is exactly what the hotel is aiming to achieve.

Aunt Wilhelmina invites you into her Zetter Townhouse world

This hotel spins a tale about a rich history as the former home of the ‘owner’ called Aunt Wilhelmina, whose ‘portrait’ hangs up in the lounge named after her among the statues of cats, dogs and stuffed animals. Looking around your eye is drawn to stuffed animals and antiques. Legend has it Wilhelmina lived in Clerkenwell during the ‘Georgian period’. Born in 1727 to a well-to-do family who owned The Zetter Warehouse. The family business was spice accumulated from their travels all over the globe which they processed in St Johns square – just across from their family home – The Zetter Townhouse.

On the death of her parents, Wilhelmina inherited the family’s wealth and property and spent her time travelling the world, sourcing treasures from her adventures. When she returned home to London, she would host dinner parties and late-night soirees in her games room. One of the guests was her troubled nephew, Seymour. Both shared a love of gambling, cocktails, and rendezvous. As the years passed by and the parties subdued, Wilhelmina had not married and found herself alone. Jane Lawson a widow became her closest companion. Jane lost her husband on their wedding day, aged 26, so she never bathed and drank the same tea. The portraits of these two ladies hang on the wall in the lounge, while Seymour’s hangs in the parlour of another Zetter Townhouse in Marylebone.

Outstanding bedrooms

Each room is unique. In the junior suite, hang up your coat on a coat hook mounted on a beautiful frame of wonderful painted birds. The bed screams for attention -with its headboard ornately carved from old carousel signage. The brightly coloured swirls evoke the excitement of the fair with built-in headlamps. Yet the piece de resistance is a spectacular four-poster marble bathtub with columns and a gold splashboard and fisheye mirror. Turn on the beautiful Leeroy Brooks taps and empty the REN amenities into the tub for a relaxing bath before flicking on the television to watch one’s favourite programme. Next, the eye is drawn to the theatrical sash curtains that frame a vista of the city skyline with the Shard in the distance.

The lighting is perfectly ambient, which only accentuates the rich, warm tones. A red fireplace with antique silver candlesticks and a Buddha’s head, marries old with new. Above this is a statement modern art piece complemented by the ornate free-standing lamp with a vibrant rouge shade beside it. Next to this is an antique desk painted poster blue home to an old-fashioned telephone (where you dial 0 for room service) and a Victoriana lamp.  Above the desk are tomes from Constable, John Steinbeck, Jilly Cooper, and even a London Style guide from the fifties featuring the Zetter as one of the top hotels of the time. Sit back in the wingback chair after pouring from the silver tea service and switching on the Marshall and Roberts vintage radios for a truly vintage experience as you turn the pages.  There are other room categories too, deluxe doubles, kings, and even a spacious apartment which provide a home from home in the capital.

The cocktail lounge on Sunday evenings has an elegant ambiance with jazz music playing and in keeping with the grand surroundings, it seems fitting to order an exotic beverage. The menu has many choices, from bee pollen rum old-fashioned to Pina Colada Royales. However, the London to St Tropez cocktail is most appealing. A shining vision made with Mirabeau Gin, Verjus, and Jasmine topped with Rose or Lavender Mead. Surrounded by so many antiques and things to admire, one is not short of entertainment. There is a genteel chatter and humdrum from the guests and visitors who flit in like exotic hummingbirds to sip the nectar within the delectable cocktails. Attentive bar staff are eager to help and explain the history of the hotel. During the week jazz acts and vintage singers perform to the hotel’s clientele.

Dial O for Room Service 

Since everything stops here on Sunday evenings, room service is available by just dialling ‘0’. Those with smaller appetites who might want to share from small plates or sharing platters like the charcuterie board where the cured meats are arranged in the shape of ornate flowers. If one is feeling hungrier, why not look at the larger plates and feast on a delicious burger. Enjoy such nibbles with a glass of wine as you take a bath and then wrap up in a fluffy robe and get cosy with a knitted hot water bottle provided by the hotel as one tucks oneself into bed.

After a good night’s rest, take breakfast in Aunt Wilhelmina’s lounge among the bold clashing patterns and menagerie of antiques. Eggs Royale accompanied by Earl Grey tea are set down upon a glass table filled with vintage memorabilia from cigar boxes to mother of pearl, vintage postcards, and more. A fruit platter bursting with berries, melon, and bananas follows. All the while, Aunt Wilhelmina and her friend look down on guests, amid the cat ornaments and stuffed animals. As you eat, it is fascinating to examine every nook and cranny, filled with intriguing objects and trinkets that tell the story of this unconventional family.

All around are curiosities and old maps, globes, antiques, and treasures. In the dining room, described by British Vogue as the best in London, among the vintage urns, dried flowers and art is a giant stuffed kangaroo with boxing gloves. After taking a silk draped lift upstairs, one notices the striped carpets which reflect a modern vibe. This is juxtaposed with older antiques and artworks, which only add to the character. All around are oil paintings of ancestors with curled-up vintage postcards tucked into them, probably sent by Sydney to his great aunt. Another floor contains curious paintings that are, for some reason, turned sideways.

Afternoon Tea

For those visiting during the weekend, the afternoon teas are among the best in London. Both Great Aunt Wilhelmina and Uncle Seymour were partial to tiny cakes, dainty sandwiches, baked goods, and bubbles in the middle of the day. Therefore, there are scones, finger sandwiches, and mint chocolate chip macaroons. Afternoon tea is served only on the weekends here when the room is filled with families enjoying the delights of this quintessential pastime.

The second addition to the independently owned Zetter Group’s ‘Townhouse’ boutique hotel family is in Marylebone who extends this offer from Wednesday to Sunday.  Marylebone is a stunning 24-bedroom Georgian townhouse and cocktail lounge in London’s fashionable Marylebone. So goes the story that it was once the private residence of Wilhelmina’s nephew Seymour. The third property in this group is the Zetter Hotel just around the corner in Clerkenwell.

The Zetter Townhouse is an experience one must try in their lifetime. For anyone who chooses to stay, the feeling is like being invited into the family home. Every detail is taken care of, and the thoughtful concierge makes sure you are well pampered and looked after. Only at the end of the stay does one learn the story about Wilhelmina and Seymour is made-up. The hotel is in fact owned by the Zetter Group. It’s true owners began the concept with the Zetter Hotel when 2004, having landed on St John’s Square in Clerkenwell during a real-life game of Monopoly, Mark Sainsbury and Michael Benyan opened that flagship hotel. Having passed GO several times over the ensuing years, Mark and Michael collected £200 so many times that, in April 2011, they added another hotel to their quaintly cobbled corner of London: the Zetter Townhouse in St. John’s Square. Yet the way they draw you in to their amazing story is so intriguing and believable that you don’t mind the wool being pulled over your eyes about its history. After a stay here, one can truly say they have experienced the quintessential English high life and it is all thanks to Aunt Wilhelmina and Seymour.