!Xaus Lodge, with the poetic address of Sand Dune 91, is beyond off-grid, beyond digital detox remote. Baking in the heart of South Africa’s vast Kalahari Desert, !Xaus provides the opportunity to get to know an arid landscape intimately.

That !, seemingly an exclamation mark preceding the name, is not mere marketing hype. In the language of the Khomani San, the indigenous people, ! means heart. Moreover, Xaus sits by a heart shaped salt pan in the heart of the arid Kalahari.

Guests are met by one of Xaus’s rugged safari vehicles at the last tarmac road. That is a mere hour away. Then it is a bone-shaking rollercoaster along a bumping sand track to !Xaus Lodge. Traffic? Just the ostriches who ran alongside the road. Service station? Just three lions grazing on a freshly killed Gemsbok. Were you to be bitten by a scorpion you are a three hour drive to the nearest hospital in Upington.

“We get through a lot of clutches,” John our relaxed driver said, it was partly commentary and partly apology, as he guided us over a jolting succession of sand dunes.

As soon as we arrive to a welcome of chilled flannel, canapés and white wine, the manager gives us our safety briefing.

“This is Lion Country. Do not stray from the hotel walkways. Do not leave your room overnight. We have twelve rooms but sometimes we have a thirteenth guest. A leopard drops by, round about midnight, to have a drink at the swimming pool.”

There is a sharp intake of breath but Richard has not finished.

“Check your shoes for scorpions before you put them on. Also …” he pauses perhaps wondering if he should continue. But he does. “There are some nasty little critters about, sometimes on the inside of your window with an acidy sting. Keep out of their way. This is harsh territory.”

Chastened guests change for their evening meal and clamber back into the safari vehicle to be taken to an incredibly romantic scene.

Four braziers burn to keep lions at bay. A white-clothed dining table awaits us amongst the muted red sands of the Kalahari Dessert. This is silver service colonial living. A legacy of European explorers who had travelled to Africa with silver candelabras and dreams of recreating the civilisation of leafy Richmond-upon-Thames in a land of sun-bleached grasses and thorny scrub.

Ice clinked in a Kalahari Gin, made from botanicals foraged from the desert. Beyond another hundred sand dunes the blood orange sun slipped away.

One of the diners wept at the romance of a scene that belonged in an Out of Africa sequel. “It’s too beautiful,” she gasped at the almost spiritual splendour of the sun’s going.

This is all part of the !Xaus package. You check-in for full-board as well as game drives at dawn, dusk and at night. A walking safari and a visit to the Khomani San craft village are included too. Stunning views across the salt-pan come as standard.

For millennia the salt-pan has been a watering hole for cheetahs, hyenas, leopards, lions, oryx and boks. Water is scarce. Showers run on salt-water from a bore-hole which is incredibly smoothing for your skin tone. A flask of hot water is left for your morning tea. And a bed time story too, such as “Why the aardvark lives underground” or “How the porcupine got its quills.”

!Xaus is the merest dot in the world’s largest game park, the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park, which takes in huge swathes of South Africa and Botswana. It’s two rivers run perhaps once or twice a century. Kgalagadi means the parched land and it’s people call it “The Land the Devil Made.” Yet the Khomani San survived in this landscape for twenty millennia until they were evicted for the creation of a game park in the 1930s.

One of the early morning outings is a walking safari. John, our driver-cum-guide delivers the stark safety briefing.

“If a lion charges stay still. Do not run. Just hope that it is a lioness protecting her cubs. She’ll probably stop about seven metres short. That’s her warning. Keep looking at her and slowly back away,” he advises.

“What if she charges again?” asks a walker.

“Not much you can do ‘bout that,” replies John fatalistically.

“You ever had trouble with lions?”

“Oh yes, I been charged by a lioness but she stopped short. And see that scar there?” says John offering his knuckle. “That was when a cheetah tried to jump in the vehicle and I fought him off with my stick,” said John who seemed inseparable from his chunky staff.

“Still two little incidents in twenty years ain’t bad,” says John contentedly.

As we walked John named the birds in the trees and identified the vegetation, from acacia trees – whose roots searched down a hundred metres for water – to shepherd trees where tribesmen hid from lions amongst the thorns. It was evident that the trusty staff he carried had a an auxiliary purpose, he swept the grass for snakes.

It is not just the days at !Xaus which are unforgettable, the Dark Skies experience is astounding. The Lodge’s lights are shut down and the vast and infinite Southern Hemisphere Sky is revealed. Stars glowing with a radiance forgotten in our light polluted cities, the Milky Way cascading out of the darkness.

But a stay at !Xaus Safari lodge is not for everyone. First-time safari goers could be frustrated by !Xaus. In this thirsty land, wildlife is scarce, you may not see a lion or a leopard. Though when you do, dozens of miles from the next nearest safari vehicle, it is a special experience. !Xaus is for those travellers who have patience, who are prepared to wait for the land to slowly reveal itself.

With thanks to southafrica.net for their help.